Something I am not too fond of in Chi-Town is the humidity. The close proximity to the Great Lakes makes this place a swamp in the summer–something I only realized after moving here. Thank you, Wikipedia. I was born and raised in the South, so I’m certainly familiar with humidity. I well remember getting drenched in sweat just by walking to the mailbox. However, I haven’t had to deal with humidity in six years. I also haven’t had to deal with humidity without an air conditioned house or car.
My Chi-Town flat has no AC. And I have no car at all, let alone one with AC: I bike or walk everywhere (I should say I swim and ride my underwater bicycle everywhere). These circumstances, aggravated by the especially intense mugginess of the last week or so, have resulted in one soggy bagel. The last few days have seen me sprawled on my bed under the ceiling fan trying to stay as still, and therefore as cool, as possible. Needless to say, the last few days have not been interesting ones. But through these uneventful days, I have discovered my new favorite thing:
Since the dawn of time, man has thought being naked is awesome. Whatever idiot invented clothes was probably ostracized or stoned to death. Or at least he should have been. Being naked is the best. I feel so wronged that I’ve come to discover it so late in life. Sure, I’ve been naked before; one must bathe, after all. And there has been the odd venturing out of the bathroom or my room in the buff when all my family had left the house, which was quite rare. But I’ve never experienced being all naked, all the time. I’ve essentially been a never-nude. A real-life Tobias Fünke. Oh, God.
But now, living on my own, I have finally discovered the joy of nudity. It’s liberating. It’s breezy. It’s naked.
I think that everything a person does clothed, a person can also do naked. Biking, walking, talking on the phone, shopping, eating–all can be done in the buff. Cooking with hot oil is probably a bad plan, but everything else is A-OK.
Being naked solves a multitude of problems. You save money by not having to do laundry. You can frighten those persistent Jehovah’s Witnesses off your front porch. You can make sure no one sits next to you on public transport. It is an endless source of win. Yes, being naked is so great, I went ahead and used “win” as a noun. You’d have been better able to deal with this had you been naked. Go on, take your clothes off and read the sentence again. Are you annoyed? Of course you’re not! Being naked makes you happier.
Yes, I miss living at home. I miss my family a lot. They’re the best people in the world. But I might like being naked a bit too much to ever live with anyone else again.